For crying out loud! Please don’t stop yourself from crying. Cry it out! Your tears heal. They are taking the pain that you feel inside and releasing them outside. We don’t want them bottled up inside or our body and soul will feel it. Later it turns into stress, pain, and/or sickness.
Some of us were raised that it is not good to cry- that it shows you are weak. This is just not true. It is an expression of deep heartache. Give yourself permission to cry and let those around you cry, too.
I don’t like people to see me cry. Many times after Jay died, when I was sad or could feel the tears were going to come whether I liked it or not, I would go to my room and cry in my closet and come back out when I felt better. Later people told me I never grieved. They never saw me as too sad. What- are you kidding? I know everyone grieves differently, but how can anyone lose a spouse and not cry and grieve? Good heavens! I definitely cried. A lot. Maybe those people weren’t there at the graveside service? I finally felt that I had kept myself together pretty well for the past week and then I totally fell apart and fell onto the casket and sobbed. And sobbed. My mom and kids finally couldn’t bear watching me anymore and came beside me and hugged me. I got out a lot of emotions at that moment!
I guess I could have let others see me crying more often. It’s something I have never been very comfortable with. Oh believe me- people saw me in random places crying- like the cereal aisle in the grocery store and at the gym. Some days I didn’t think the tears were ever going to stop and the most random things would make them fall down my face unexpectedly- like sloppy joes, (Jay’s favorite meal) once they tipped those tears right over the edge. These unpredictable tears would remind me that my heart still hurt. But I am learning to cry freely so I can live with an OPEN HEART!
Maybe I feel bad crying in front of others because it puts them in an uncomfortable position. It seems they are always trying to make it better- “pass her a tissue quick- then she will stop!” Our culture needs to be more aware and change the “idea” of crying to good and healing.
In Psychology Today, an article by Judith Orloff M.D. offers some advice and info:
Tears are your body’s release valve for stress, sadness, grief, anxiety, and frustration. Also, you can have tears of joy.
To stay healthy and release stress, I encourage my patients to cry. For both men and women, tears are a sign of courage, strength, and authenticity.
Like the ocean, tears are salt water. Protectively they lubricate your eyes, remove irritants, reduce stress hormones, and they contain antibodies that fight pathogenic microbes. Our bodies produce three kinds of tears: reflex, continuous, and emotional. Each kind has different healing roles. Reflex tears clear out particles, Continuous tears are produced regularly to keep our eyes lubricated. Emotional tears contain stress hormones and other toxins accumulated through stress.
Crying stimulates the production of endorphins, our own body’s natural painkiller and “feel good” hormones.
The new enlightened paradigm of what constitutes a powerful man and woman is someone who has the strength and self-awareness to cry. These are the people who impress me.
Try to let go of outmoded, untrue, conceptions about crying. It is good to cry. It is healthy to cry. This helps to emotionally clear sadness and stress. Crying is also essential to resolve grief when waves of tears periodically come over us after we experience a loss. Tears help us process the loss so we can keep living with open hearts.
Let your tears flow to purify stress and negativity.