dreams after loss

Dreaming after a loss. Some days I hated to go to sleep because I knew in the morning I would wake up to a huge thud in my heart when I realized this truly was happening- my husband had passed away.

After the loss, I had weird dreams. Often I dreamed he was still alive and then when I awoke I had to try to figure out what was going on. Was he really gone? Was this dream last night real or was that nightmare I thought I have been living the past few weeks real? Ewww I hated waking up like this. It made me not want to go to bed at night but that wasn’t a very good alternative either!

It was very interesting that over the years my children and I have had the same dream about Jay. I dreamed he was faking his death and it was all a big joke and he came back home. I have resolved this issue after 10 years- here’s what I have come up with- none of us got to see Jay in the casket. It was a closed casket since his body was so damaged by the sun after being out in 103-degree weather for 4 days. We really didn’t have proof he was dead. Our brains kept telling us that maybe he really would come home. In some way, the dream was a sick joke itself!

What is really going on inside our heads while we sleep? Dreams can provide info about what is really going on inside our heads. Our unconscious minds can’t figure out the difference between reality and what we wish for, so we dream our loved ones (who have passed away) are still living their normal every-day-lives with us. Our mind is trying to protect us from pain so dreams aid in the grief process. They help us deal with the fact that our loved ones are gone.

dreamingSome dreams seem real. VERY REAL! Psychologist calls these dreams visitation dreams. It seems that our loved one has visited us from wherever they are – heaven. There are not many studies that have been done to understand visitation dreams, so no real scientific proof. But to those of us who have had these dreams, we don’t really need proof- we felt it to our core. They really were with us. Scientists have asked people who have had visitation dreams about what they felt and they found 8 common characteristics. 

  1. It feels real
  2. The deceased appear healthy and vibrant.
  3. The deceased convey reassurance.
  4. The deceased convey important messages.
  5. The deceased communicate telepathically.
  6. The dreamer awakens with intense emotions.
  7. The dreamer experiences closure.
  8. The dreamer is changed by the experience.

These kinds of dreams are different and good! I have had a couple of them and when I woke up I was grateful. I felt like we had resolved some issues together. I hugged him goodbye and it wasn’t sad. (I never got to tell him goodbye when he left to go hiking.) It was as if he was telling me to go on and find happiness and peace.

Then there are other people that get mad because they haven’t had a visit from their loved one in a dream. I find it super interesting who our deceased loved ones decide to visit. I remember my grandma being so mad at her husband because for 20 years he hadn’t visited her. This is my thought and it isn’t based on anything but my own experiences; I feel the deceased come to those who will listen or who are in an emotional space to have this experience. Sometimes who they choose to visit is removed from the situation a bit and someone they trust will tell the loved one about their experience.

I believe in life after death and this helps me in many ways. It helps me be open to the thought that we do not understand the other spheres very well and there are so many different perspectives on the earth and in heaven. One note that I think is so crazy is I love to listen to John Edward, who is a medium. When his mom passed away, she didn’t visit him for years. You would think that he could call her in or something, but it’s not like that- they come to visit who they want and when then they can handle it. I’m not sure if there is a permission thing going on up there, but it seems there is a lot that goes into this visitation and communication stuff to me!

Dreams are a part of life. I guess they may also be a part of death as well.