Balance is the big word for the past couple of years. I’ve looked into it to see where I can feel this so-called balance. Nowhere to be found! I’m pulled this way and that and NEVER feel like “I’ve got this!”
At home, there’s never a dull moment. I’m never bored- I’ll tell you that much. Right now we only have 3 teenage girls left at home, but the chaos continues. “Can you take me to my friend’s house?” “I’m out of shampoo!”, “I can’t find my keys!”, “Why can’t I have boys over when you are out of town?” And the constant, “Bark Bark Bark” from Chester. All of those happened in the past 12 hours and much more. We have tears, laughing, talking nonstop from some, and won’t say a word because she is mad at me from others. The other 6 kids who have moved out do pretty great on their own, but I still have them in my mind or am doing rides to the airport, painting classes, and face-timing to keep in touch. What I remind myself of and am grateful for is this is what I always wanted. Right now I have 12 kids including the spouses of my other kids. I always told people when I was young that I wanted a dozen kiddos. I’m here to tell ya- sometimes you get what you pray for!
Work doesn’t seem quite as crazy most days. Today was shipping day, though, so it gets a little challenging because I never know what’s going to happen when. I also brought my 15-year-old daughter to work because she has $2 in her checking account. She bugged me from about 2 hours into the day reminding me that she had plans today way more important than making Glow Dough. “Patience” is what I tell her, while I am reminding myself.
Then there’s living a healthy lifestyle. Gosh, I’m so funny because all day I look forward to working out, then when it’s 7:30 pm I kind of dread it. Each night that Matt is in town we trade-off between hiking and biking. I’m trying to learn true balance on my new bike but love (and hate) learning something new. Gosh, the spin bike is so easy to balance. I have learned a lot about myself over the past 15 years of going to classes at the gym, I am dying for the first 25 minutes and then I love it. I have to remember this when I’m dragging my feet some days while putting my hiking shoes on. Eating healthy is another thing I get to try to be consistent with. Most days I love to cook, but on some I don’t. Where’s the routine?
SO how do I feel centered in the chaos? For one thing- I realize that balance is NOT my goal. Yes, I have given up on BALANCE- the word that so many are fighting for. Some days I really have to put a ton into my company. So everything falls to the left of the scale. Some days I really get to put a lot into my husband, or kids and everything falls to the right. But inside is where I can feel centered. I have really been horrible at this but giving myself time and self-care is what gives my body harmony. I’m learning that meditation, reading, yoga, and the hot tub centers me so I can give back more efficiently to all of the loves that surround me. I know that with the many demands of my time and attention, I fall to the bottom of my priority list, but have learned I can’t give as much when I’m on the RESERVE on my gas tank. If I feel steady within, I can conquer almost anything that comes my way. And I mean anything.
