Goodbye 2023! This has been a really interesting (ok I am going to say it- difficult) year for me. It’s been a year of inner work for sure. I have had a lot of highs and a lot of lows and I am figuring out how to learn from it all. I know some moments I have to think, “I am ok… This is good. Or it will be good… Slow deep breaths…Count to 10… ” This has been a year of major journaling – that’s what I do when I have extreme emotions – highs and lows (and I have had a lot of these this year) I brought them all on myself, too. I feel I was out of my comfort zone for the year= CRAZY.
The highs remind me to do more of these things. When I think about my highs this year most of them are when we traveled. Going on vacation can sometimes be stressful to get ready, but when I am there I try to live in the moment. That is one of the things I am practicing this year. I am always thinking into the future and it drives some people crazy (including myself). I also love how vacation teaches me to judge less. I get to see with my own eyes how people live and they are beautiful humans trying to survive and or thrive while here on earth. My love has grown for others around the globe.
This year Matt and I went to Tahiti and it was incredible. We were in the water a lot and it was the warmest water I have ever been in. I am not a great swimmer, but loved it so much. My favorite thing of the week was swimming with sharks (not caged!) a couple of times. I got within a foot of them and the experience was so memorable just staring into one of his eyes and him staring at mine as he passed by. I believe your thoughts and energy spill from you so I was thinking incredibly positive, “nice to meet you, we are friends, I love being in your environment, this is so beautiful, etc”. So he would not be aggressive. It worked and I loved every second of it. It was facing a fear and then feeling proud of myself because it was easier than I thought it would be. It also helped me to swim more in my own pool when we got home and feel the peace in water. One thing about water is what your emotions are- they are amplified in water. So when getting in the bathtub you have probably felt more emotional and that could be why. Another reason I loved this trip was it was over my birthday! We went on a boat ride and I got to drive the boat (not a smart decision from the captain!)
Matt and I also went to Iceland. Wow another beautiful country. Complete opposite of Bora Bora but I loved them both. The waterfalls were amazing, the scenery with so much black lava then green fields, and the beautiful black beaches. This was a good time for Matt to be together and connect with each other and friends in our tour group.
We went to Amsterdam and I loved the feeling there so much. Everyone was happy. They all rode bikes – young and old, in a dress or not, etc. Nobody was on their phone! They were all connecting and talking to others or enjoying the scenery. People were genuine. I didn’t feel shame in the air- Nobody was hiding things (internally or externally) because most things are legal. Everyone was just BEING THEMSELVES. Amsterdam is for sure one of my favorite places where I felt peaceful feelings while being on a vacation.
I also had a lot of highs with family. We got a new grandbaby (always a spiritual time for me), went on vacations and had memorable connection sessions.
I got closer to a few of my girl friends and I love having that energy in my life that I haven’t had for a while. For years (maybe 35!) I put my kids and family first so hard that I forgot there was good in having more of the feminine around me. Friends lift me, make me laugh, and teach me so much.
The lows were mostly inside. To be honest it was deep and dark. My word of the year was confidence. It’s hard for me and I am not sure why but I had a ton of things happen that challenged my confidence. I probably had one of my hardest years of my life and am happy to say goodbye to 2023, but I have to be challenged to grow so that’s what I asked for and that’s what I got.
But I realized I once again can do hard things- really hard things, I can learn to stand up for myself and I am worthy. Oh no the worthy word… I had some super spiritual lessons this year that helped me with worth. I read / listen to a lot of books. Many of them kept talking about self worth. They teach that God is everywhere so that means He is inside of me. And God is GOOD so I must be good. There should be nothing shameful inside me because God and his energy flows through me. This changed the way I view myself so much. I love God and so if He is in me then I love me too. This helped let the guilt and shame pour off of me and I can be proud of myself. My friend Monet who is a psychologist taught me this: “I think when we realize our power (God given power- our divine identity) we have no trouble standing up for ourselves. Kinda like the difference between self worth and self esteem. One is God given- we have worth just because we were born. And the other is our version of ourself . How we esteem ourselves so it always falls short.” I want to recognize my worth and get ride of how I esteem myself. One of the ways I know I am getting a bit farther down the road on self worth is that someone asked me who I love and I immediately said me. I have never thought that before. I think that’s healthy even though writing it sounds like I’m full of myself haha. Hopefully those that know me genuinely know I am not conceited. I am happier with myself and am getting better and better each year.
This year I also tried ketamine 3 times which brought up a ton of emotions but did it in such a positive way. Of all the healing modalities I have tired Ketamine has helped me the very most. I don’t know what all is going on with the subconscious but this seemed to really help leap me to a new level of knowing myself/ my soul deeper. It also made me realize material things don’t mean that much to me. Ha I told Matt let’s sell the homes and go to Bora Bora to live! Such a simple beautiful life they have there where the people are giving, loving and positive. Ketamine taught me that I have been living in Fight Flight and Freeze for about 40 years. This is SUPER hard for me to break this habit. It’s made major anxiety come out of me and I didn’t know I had that inside. (Sorry but it’s time for you to leave NOW!) It’s for sure one of the things that has made this year so difficult- I am more aware of who I am, how I am and what changes I want to make. Change is hard. That’s for sure. But I will take it because I do not want to be the same person I am in a year from now that I am today.
So onto 2024 where my word of the year is ACTION. Nope I am changing it to what Tony Robbins says, MASSIVE ACTION.