Telling a child that a loved one has passed away is an incredibly difficult and delicate task. It’s natural for parents and caregivers to want to shield children from pain, but it’s important to approach the situation with honesty, empathy, and reassurance. Here are some guidelines for discussing the loss of a loved one with a child:
1. Choose the right time and place: Find a quiet and comfortable space where your child feels safe and secure. Ensure that you have enough time to have an open conversation without interruptions.
2. Be honest: Young children may not fully understand the concept of death, so when discussing it with a child, it’s important to be honest and use age-appropriate language. Avoid using confusing terms like “gone to sleep.” Instead, use simple and clear language to explain that the person has died. For example, “Grandma has died, which means her body stopped working. She won’t be with us anymore.”
3. Encourage questions: Let your child know that it’s okay to ask questions and express their feelings. Reassure them that they can come to you whenever they have questions or need to talk. Be prepared to answer questions honestly and simply, acknowledging that you may not have all the answers. One question that will probably come up is they may be curious or worried where they are now (body and spirit), so you can share your beliefs on life after death with them.
4. Offer emotional support: Reassure your child that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, confused or many other emotions. Encourage them to express their emotions and provide comfort and support as they navigate the grieving process. You can be an example to them by talking about and showing your own emotions.
5. Share memories: Share fond memories and stories about the person who has passed away. Remind your child that it’s okay to talk about the person and that their memories will always be cherished.
6. Provide reassurance: Children may feel anxious about their own safety or the well-being of loved ones after a death. It’s important to reassure them that you are there to care for them and that many people love and support them. They might also be concerned about your feelings, so let them know that you have a strong support system too, which allows you to be there for them. Another key point to discuss is that others may suggest how they “should” or “should not” feel or behave. Emphasize that grief is unique to each person, and there are no right or wrong emotions. Even if someone tells them they need to be “the man of the house” or a “good girl,” remind them that they are still deeply loved and that any new responsibilities will be addressed together.
7. Additional Support: If you think your child might benefit from help managing their emotions, consider contacting a grief counselor or therapist who specializes in working with children. Our schools and community provide grief support, so look into available resources. It’s essential for my kids to know they are not alone in this journey. Depending on their age and personality, they may require counseling at different points in their lives. For some, the first year might feel manageable, but they could struggle with processing their feelings in the second year or even years later. I discovered various types of counseling options that extend beyond traditional talk therapy, such as art therapy and energy healing, which were particularly effective for my kids who were hesitant to speak.
Remember that every child processes grief differently, and it’s important to be patient and understanding as they navigate their emotions. By approaching the conversation with honesty, empathy, and reassurance, you can help your child understand and cope with the loss of a loved one.
