October 4, 2008
This week has been much better. I feel like we have a new normal and it doesn’t hurt so much. The pictures of Jay are a sweet memory now. On Sunday our family went on a hike up Bells Canyon. It was beautiful and we thought how much Jay would have loved to be there with us. After we went to the Cemetery and hung out there for a while. The weather is just perfect. I have hope that we will all be happy again.
I have been working out 2 or 3 hours a day. I guess I feel like that is something that I have control over.
I miss Riley a lot this week. He is doing so great in Sweden. He loves it there and had to grow up really quickly from the first few days he was there. I’m so proud of him. He had his first baptism on Wednesday! He said he was going to go help fill the font and the boy asked Riley if he would be the one to baptize him. Amazing. In Europe it is hard to get a baptism. I know Riley is loving what he is doing.
Thursday night the girls were all mad at me because we hadn’t set up the Halloween stuff but I hadn’t been home very much the past 2 days. I started to cry because Melissa broke down and was throwing stuff at me and so mad in her cute little 6 year old way. I told her she had to be nice to me because none of this was easy for me right now. I cried the whole time while I was reading the scriptures. I was missing Jay. I can’t believe I signed up for this! I gave them a snack and put them to bed and went to the kitchen to do the dishes. I sat on the floor and just bawled. I found Jay’s apron in the drawer and it was all covered in food. He was always so good to clean the kitchen for me when I was having a hard day and now he isn’t here. I took his apron up to his closet to keep and cried there for a long time, then went to bed.
Rachelle had a complete meltdown Friday night, but that’s ok. Better now than in 5 years from now – when she’s a teenager!! I worked 4 days this week and 4 different people watched my 3 girls for me since they are off track. I live among angels!
This week I am crazy about blogging. Oh, and George Clooney. Jay knew that I always liked him and put his picture on my desktop for me. My Stake President thought that was pretty funny when he came over during the search and needed to use my computer and there is Mr. Clooney! He is really good-looking.