Major Wake Up Call- What Are My Priorities?

I turned on my old ipod this morning and out popped this song from years ago- Yesterday, by Leona Lewis. I listened to it a lot in 2008, when Jay, my husband, first passed away. It was a song I listened to over and over and cried. That kind of sounds like a dumb thing to do- like punching yourself, but that was my grieving. Hearing this song today reminded me of my priorities and that we need to make meaningful memories- that’s pretty much all we have when anyone is gone. And we never know when that will be.

I learned this lesson when he died and I never want to feel that way again- why did we put so much time into things that didn’t really matter? Time with people we didn’t even know, careers or million-dollar ideas? We hardly ever relaxed and played. Once a year we took a vacation as a couple, but other than that we worked. Where’s the fun in that? We weren’t looking for fun at that time in our lives – it was working time. Time to get ahead. Humm- ahead of what? He rarely went to the recitals of the kids, the soccer games, family parties, or parent-teacher conferences. Too busy. That was the small stuff and now I realize that’s the small stuff that we all remember. Just BEING there, showing up – TIME is what all of us need. We thought we had a lifetime to make memories with them and this was the time for him to pursue learning and a career. I have lasting memories of good times, but we could have made so many more. I just didn’t know. I was living from a completely different place in my heart. We left so much on the table and then he was gone. One day he was there, the next he was gone. The memories we made up until that point are all we have.

Let’s call this a MAJOR wake-up call. I had to rethink living. What is important in life? What are my priorities? Where am I putting my emotions, my time?

I’m trying a new approach to life- I live in the NOW. I wake up and am so grateful to be alive. What can I do today that will be lasting? Do those people in my life who mean so much to me know that they are my everything? Am I following dreams that are meaningful?

I’m grateful for this great lesson I learned at age 40, so I don’t have one more day pass that is just for work, just for pursuing something in the world that means absolutely nothing in the big picture. I try to stop and let my children and husband now know much I love them, but I’m still far from perfect.

Then there’s another point of view I get from this song. This goes out to all my sweet widow/widower friends -nobody can take the memories away from you that you have of your loved one. I’m sure you have tons of great memories. Write them down and you will have them forever. Nobody can ever take yesterday away!

“Yesterday” Leona Lewis