numb inside and ou

Days after Jay passed away I went to the doctor. I have had arthritis for years and when there is a ton of stress in my life I get a shot in my SI joint. It’s no small shot- it’s a 45-minute ordeal where they watch on x-ray equipment to get the needle in the correct spot. I have tried not to do this very often since the pain is out of this world. I asked the doctor if I could be scheduled to get this shot since I was guessing this could be quite a stressful few weeks- probably like none I have ever seen. The doctor asked me questions about what had happened to my husband and I told him with no emotion. He checked me and had me breathe to listen to my lungs. I remember he would tell me to breathe and all I could do was breathe like I had been taught in yoga. He was just amazed and staring at me and said, “No, open your mouth and breathe out.” I felt like a toddler who couldn’t do simple things he asked me. He set me up for the appointment and I drove 45 minutes to my appointment. It went as it always had, except for one thing that was very different. I felt hardly any pain! I was so numb inside and out. I couldn’t hurt any more than I had been the past few days I guess!

I also realized I was still numb when 6 months after he passed we had a snowstorm. I came home from the gym in my shorts and tank top and proceeded to shovel the snow off my driveway. It didn’t bother me at all. I wasn’t cold (which was completely abnormal). I didn’t even think to put a coat on (yes I think I am a toddler). I would have never known this was weird or even happened except my neighbor stopped and rolled down her window when she saw me shoveling like it was 90 degrees outside. She said, “What are you doing? Do you need a coat?” I looked down and realized this did look pretty funny! I said, “Oh, I didn’t even think about that! Yes, I guess I should put a coat on?!” I nodded my head and thought, “Yes, I am still very numb.”