Oh, I found out I didn’t fix all my perfectionism on that breakdown I had in 2000. I’ve had other times where I had to become real- like when my husband passed away.
A few days after Jay passed away, one of my lifelong best friends, Becky, came over to visit with me. She knows me REALLY well and asked, “So, what are you going to give up now?” I said, “Nothing. I can still do this life as I have been, I’m sure. Now is NOT the time to be giving up on something!” She said, “No you can’t! Find something to give up.” I thought she was crazy. I didn’t have anything I could give up I still needed to do it all– and probably even more now!
A few weeks into this widowhood I found out she was right. I had to give up some things. Maybe a lot of things. Probably a lot of things that I was still trying to be perfect at. I know I had tried the perfection reform about 8 years ago but things had crept back in. I called her and announced what it was that I would give up: “The change I am going to do starting today is I will now only use plastic utensils and paper products! Wayyy fewer dishes.” That was so awesome and to tell you the truth I have never gone back! But my friend laughed and said, “That’s a good start, but I’m sorry Marc you are probably going to have to give up on a little bit more than just your beautiful dishes getting clean!” I started to minimalize. This sounds kind of crazy but I had to do less with my business. I put it on the back burner. 2008 wasn’t an awesome business year anyway, but it took hours and hours off my plate each day. I didn’t clean the house the way I had before. Many days I woke up already exhausted.
I also gave up looking perfect. People saw me fall apart at the grocery store. I would cry at the gym. I said YES when people asked if they could help me. ( I don’t think I have ever said yes to anyone but my mom in my entire life!) What in the heck is a furnace filter anyway?! My neighbor took care of my yard. This is a funny thing but I asked my Grandma one time what her best advice was. She said, “Don’t do anything once that you don’t want to do forever.” I told her that would be mowing my lawn. AND YES! I have stuck to it!
Those are some of the things I have given up. What are you going to give up?