What is widows fog | marcielyons.com

Widow’s fog is another thing I didn’t hear about until I was a widow. What in the world is Widow’s Fog? It feels like you are in a dream, a nightmare maybe, where nothing is clear. Nope- not your mind, your hearing, your feelings or your windshield. I seriously felt like I was walking around in a fog. Deep, dense fog where everything is in slow motion and nothing seems real. I remember driving the day after my husband’s death and wondering why everyone was driving around like this was a completely normal day- it wasn’t! The world had been turned completely upside down!

I believe Widow’s fog is a gift. A gift because the days surrounding death are some of the toughest emotional days of your life and this fog numbs you. Our bodies are really smart and they know when you are being pushed beyond your limit and certain senses and emotions begin to shut down or slow down. It’s almost too much for anyone to ask us to think clearly in such a traumatic time as death. Even those who know that death may be coming have a hard time- the knowledge is not going to help with the emotions of something as big as death.

Some people feel widow’s fog for a few days, a week or a year. It’s like all of the other things surrounding death and grief- we are all on our own timeline. No judgments! For me, the widow’s fog would lift for a while, much like fog in January, then return any day it felt like it. I remember more than a year later waking up one morning in a new marriage where I was so happy, but felt like I didn’t know where I was. I tried to look around in the fog and wondered where I was- the light on the ceiling didn’t look familiar. What is that barking sound? I don’t have a dog! (Matt did!) And who is this man in bed with me?! Oh, my sweet husband Matt. Yes, some of these little people look familiar, hmm some don’t. (Matt’s kids were now mine, too!) It was so weird for a few minutes. I just couldn’t wrap my head around all that had happened – some so good, some so hard. The fog had returned for a moment.

So if this is you feeling like you are in a fog, and you have just lost a loved one, don’t be afraid. This will all become crystal clear very soon. Oh gosh… Reality is the next thing to come knocking…

For me, after the widows, fog came: reality, then finding meaning in the loss and learning to be grateful for what I DID have.