Why Didn’t God Take Me Instead? This is a very common question to ask. We ask this question and many more because our brain is trying to process what happened. Our brain’s main function is to protect us, so it’s doing its job trying to figure out how you could have fixed this or how you could fix it in the future. Well, the problem with that is… there is no real answer to this question. We aren’t God and we didn’t make the choice of when our loved one passed away – so there is no real way to know the answer. But we still need to deal with the question and come to some resolution. It felt like I had a four-year-old around me all the time asking why why why. But this time it was my own brain asking this. Over and over again.
I have processed this question and a million others in the past decade wondering this and so much more. The questions can really start to drive you crazy. SO I had to come up with an answer so I could move forward. This is what and how I processed the unrelenting questions. I had to get downright basic to get my brain to just STOP! So this was the way I did it- I kept asking myself questions to get to the bottom of this. Oh and yes – my brain was not powered up and was still foggy, but it still worked. (Oh by the way – I came up with an answer and because of the way grief works – a while later I would have a new question or problem arise that I got to try to use the tiny bit of RAM my brain had to get to the bottom of this- so don’t get discouraged if you go back to questioning. It helps that you have already diagnosed one piece of it already and you can use that info to keep going with the new question).
Here is my line of questioning to myself: HINT: If you don’t know where to start, ask yourself (like you would a friend) how what, and why statements…
Could I have changed the death of Jay? No
Was it my choice that he died? No
Why am I still bugged that he was taken and not me? Because I hurt.
Why do you hurt? Because I loved him.
Is that a bad thing? No LOVE is a good thing.
But why would God let this happen? (I will ask myself another question about my true beliefs (I hadn’t ever had to ask this kind of question before because I had never known someone so close to me die.) How do I believe God runs his world? I believe that God lets the world run by science, choices, and the laws of the universe. I don’t believe God always changes things to make our lives less hard. Some people die by other people’s choices (in a car accident). Some people die by their own choice (like my husband). Some people die because they live in the world and the environment it is in today (cancer). I believe in a very LOVING GOD. I don’t think he stops things from happening to us, but I do know that he will send us help to get through anything that happens to us. If you ask (out loud helps) for help he will send someone – either a living angel or one that is on the other side (wherever that is?!) to help us. He will not leave us without peace.
You may come up with a completely different answer as to why God didn’t take you instead and that’s ok. Let your mind process it all or it will keep bugging you until you give it the time and attention it deserves. Be patient with yourself. Have self-care and please realize that in grief your brain and body are trying to process trauma as it has never seen before. Even if you knew that your loved one was going to pass at some point, it is still trauma to your system when it actually happens.
27Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.