When my kids were little I loved the time of night when they were finally asleep. I would go into their rooms to check on them and notice how sweet and peaceful they look while asleep. Staring at them, I would think, “I love you so much! I can’t even believe my heart can feel such deep love.” Then in a blink of an eye, I would picture them in a terrible accident, tragedy, or emergency. Why would I do this?
Brene Brown taught me the answer and I’m so grateful I’m not the only one who has done this! I thought I was crazy because I have also imagined something awful happening to my husband or parents, etc. Why? She says that we are trying to beat vulnerability to the punch. We will think about and dress rehearse that accident or phone call over and over hoping that it will not hurt as much if it happens because we thought through it and will know what to do. Also, we often see graphically violent images and read about brutality online or in the newspaper. We are not hard-wired for those images. In our head, we have an entire file cabinet full of images that remind us how quickly it can be over with. We do not want to get sucker-punched with vulnerability, so we try to think through the unimaginable.
Sadly I have been through this unanticipated horrible phone call. It started out as NO phone call. My husband left to go hiking and didn’t come home. He wouldn’t answer texts or calls, so for days hundreds of volunteers searched for him. Then three days later my mother-in-law called. Yes, the dreaded phone call. My husband was gone. They found his body. He was never coming back. So at this point, did it help me to think through the unimaginable? Absolutely not. I never imagined this tragedy! Until you are in that moment, you can never understand or comprehend it. So don’t go there. You can deal with whatever happens when or if it ever does. I promise you will make it through. In the future, I will be just fine because I have lived through the unimaginable. I am strong and so are you!
Even though I know all of this, I still have crazy thoughts pass through my head. What are we supposed to do when these thoughts penetrate our minds? Be grateful. Start thinking of all the things you are blessed with. Don’t stop until the sad thoughts are gone and replaced with joy.
Enjoy those amazing times when deep love seeps in!
I highly suggest ALL books from Brene Brown. She talks about the power of vulnerability. ~ AMAZING!