In 2000, I had my fifth child, and the pressure to keep my home clean, care for my kids, and run my business took a significant toll on my well-being. I didn’t realize how much until I started to feel sick. Rarely sick, I caught the flu when my kids did, and it hit me hard—I couldn’t keep anything down for days. My husband insisted I see a doctor, which was unusual for me. I had lost weight and felt completely drained. While my family helped with the kids—a task I usually hesitated to ask for—I was taken to InstaCare, where they hydrated me but found nothing wrong other than dehydration.
As time passed, it felt like my body was shutting down. Each day brought new symptoms: numbness on one side, then the other, difficulty remembering numbers and names, and persistent back pain. Despite being exhausted, I couldn’t sleep due to discomfort. My spine was stiff, and I struggled to bear weight on my right side, a problem I had dealt with for a decade. The pain would alternate sides, forcing me to crawl at times, and my husband often carried me upstairs. My symptoms were erratic, improving and worsening without rhyme or reason. I had responsibilities as a mom, wife, at church, and CEO, yet I was extremely fatigued and frustrated. The only relief came from naproxen sodium, but it upset my stomach.
I decided to see my husband’s doctor since I had only seen my gynecologist for annual check-ups. They ran numerous tests but found nothing wrong. I was relieved they ruled out serious conditions like bone cancer, MS, and lupus. However, my doctor recommended a rheumatologist, and I was shocked to learn the wait was three months. I expressed my concern about feeling like I might not make it that long, and she advised me to go to the ER if that was the case. (not super helpful at this point)
Now for the positive part: at a Christmas party, I spoke with my cousin about my pain, and she suggested trying yoga. I didn’t really know what yoga was—just imagined sitting and humming—but I was desperate enough to give it a shot. I borrowed a few yoga CDs from the library. Initially, I practiced for about 10 minutes every other day, not expecting much. Surprisingly, after a couple of weeks, I began to notice a difference. Yoga was mostly about stretching, which I hadn’t realized. I had become so stiff that I could barely touch my knees. Gradually, I improved, and on the days I practiced yoga, I felt noticeably better the next day. I learned for my health I had to keep paying it forward!
Finally, my appointment with the rheumatologist arrived. He was nearing retirement and had seen it all. I mentioned my uncertainty about my condition—perhaps fibromyalgia? He quickly dismissed that, saying he could tell within five minutes that wasn’t the case. Instead, he identified it as ankylosing spondylitis (AS). After a blood test confirmed I was positive for HLA-B27, I found the information about AS matched my symptoms perfectly.
With AS, pain and stiffness can occur at night, in the morning, or during inactivity. Staying active can improve posture and spinal movement while preventing stiffness. He prescribed medication and scheduled a steroid injection into both sides of my hip, using an X-ray to ensure accuracy. The injection was excruciating for an hour, but it significantly eased my pain for months! While this was a relief, I realized the true key to managing my condition was yoga.
Months later, I was chatting with one of my best friends about everything I had gone through in the past year. She had just had triplets, and her doctor had asked her some questions about her mental health. Curious, she asked me a few of those same questions, telling me I didn’t have to share my answers, just think about them.
I found the questions intriguing, but they made me realize I might have more mental struggles than physical ones. Questions like: How often do you cry? What? I never cry; it’s been years. How often do you make time for yourself? Never. (Wait, do women actually do things for themselves? Well, I do take a five-minute bath every night, watching the water go down the drain with all the negativity—so maybe I’m doing something for myself after all!) More questions? Yikes… Is there anything you need to forgive yourself for? Probably, but I don’t have time to think about that. How’s your marriage? It’s okay, but what’s normal? My heart races at that thought, so I avoid it. How’s your financial situation? Awful. My husband had to close the doors on his business and even though my company was always consistent- it wasn’t enough to keep up with all of our bills or keep up with the Jones’.
I realized I rarely thought about these things; my mind was consumed by a never-ending to-do list. I rushed from 6 or 7 a.m. until midnight, feeling like I accomplished nothing beyond keeping my husband and five kids alive. After voicing a few of my thoughts, Trisha remarked, “I think you had a breakdown.”
WOW! That hit me. Could it be that I was doing too much without caring for my body, mind, and spirit? Absolutely. This realization made me appreciate how yoga, even just 30 minutes a week, was saving my life—maybe even my sanity.
Year after year I continued yoga as it helped save my life – my mental, physical and spiritual health then and forever after.
When the world feels like its upside down- join it.
